DJ: Jo Good

Chris Martin Writes Song For Baby

added 17 May 2004 at 10.29

Following the birth of Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple on Friday (May 14), Coldplay (under a pseudonym) have unveiled a song especially written for the mother and baby.

Coldplay recorded the song under the name The Nappies and have even filmed a video for the track. The promo (introduced by legendary Beatles producer George Martin wearing a huge rock mullet wig) sees the band, producer Ken Nelson and a topless and bespectacled Martin (all also wearing similar wigs) performing the song in London’s Air Studios.

A hairy-chested Martin raps and yelps through the lo fi Michael Jackson-meets-The Streets track with BABY written on his knuckles, attempts to break dance and strikes all manner of hip-hop style poses.

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Lyrically it’s a world away from Coldplay’s usual style with Martin showing a sense of humour, singing to hsi wife about the difficulties of pregnancy, (“There’s shit going down that you can’t disguise, When your boobs dem got ten times the size, The cups gone up from an A to D, It’s bad for you but it’s fun for me”) and his devotion to the new baby (“I’ll be there, thorough the thin and the thick, I’m gonna clean up all the poo and the sick”).

The full video for the track is available at Coldplay’s official website (for one week only). To watch it go to www.coldplay.com.

The couple named the baby girl (who weighed 9lb 11oz) Apple Blythe Alison Martin and mother and baby are said to be doing well.

“We are 900 miles over the moon,” Martin said to the BBC, “And we'd like to thank everyone at the hospital who have looked after us amazingly."

The full lyrics are:

Sometimes you’re happy, sometimes you frown,
With your hormones bouncing up and down
Sometimes you’re happy, sometimes your sad,
But the weird nine months that you have had,
There’s shit going down that you can’t disguise,
When your boobs dem got ten times the size,
The cups gone up from an A to D.
It’s bad for you but it’s fun for me.

Now just cos a little bit of rumpy pump,
Now you’re walking round with a great big bump,
You might have thought as you we’re French you woulda said ‘Non’
Or at least you woulda made me stick a condom on,
I think you might find that it’s really fun,
An oven’s no use unless you make a bun,
It’s something to learn, it really is,
Now you know what that sticky stuff is

I’ll be there, thorough the thin and the thick,
I’m gonna clean up all the poo and the sick,
I’ll be there to make you happy,
And keep everything clean,
I’ll change the nappy for the washing machine
I ain't no baddy
I ain't no baddy
I am your baby's daddy,

Sometimes you think what a fool I am,
And why did I marry this awful man,
Now a baby’s part of my family plan,
Can it kick me? Yes it can.
My names Ken and I’ve got three,
Do I like being a Daddy, yes definitely,
Though I have to warn you it’s not always fun,
There’ll be times when you wished you’d been a nun.

I’ll be there, thorough the thin and the thick,
I’m gonna clean yup all the poo and the sick,
I’ll be there to make you happy,
And I’ll bring in the bread,
I’ll be the nanny, you can go out instead
And I know you’ll be grumpy that’s what everyone sees,
And you’re not gonna hump me for forty two days,
If you don’t want more babies and you cannot disguise it
Then I’ll take my **** and vasectomise it
I ain't no baddy
I ain't no baddy
Sometime I make you saddy,
I ain't no baddy
I ain't no baddy
I am your baby's daddy,

Crawl this way, bawl this way....

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